I wish..

Who here just has off days? Ones that don't really make sense because you have no clue why they are here, and days were you don't feel so great and you don't feel so bad either? You don't feel like you belong? Where you just feel like crying? You are just angry, or feel every possible emotion in the space of 5 minutes? These days suck.

Not only is it those questions, but these thoughts:

Wake up. Stretch. Contemplate whether to get out of bed this morning or to fake sickness. Decides to get out of bed anyway. Go to the bathroom. Don't look at yourself in the mirror, you look horrible. Pee. School clothes on. Look at myself in the mirror. Hair. Makeup. Teeth. Damn. Straightening my hair, hot. Don't touch the iron. Does my hair look okay? Wind, damn you weather. Smile. My laugh is horrible, stop laughing, just smile. Smiling is good, no don't smile. Don't hang your head in shame, people might get the wrong impression. Happy. Look happy Shaylene, look alive. Recess. Girls, laugh. School sucks, so much homework. Might fall behind if I don't do homework. Talk to the best friend after school, tell her how school sucked. Ask her how her day was. Do more homework. remember dances, practise dances. Smile at the children, laugh with the children. Put tap shoes on, take tap shoes off. Dance some more. Eat. Don't eat too fast. Drink some water, maybe some juice if your lucky. Shower. thinking time. Hair. Smile at mum, kiss mum good night. Walk past sisters room. Walk down the hall and into brothers room. Sit with him for a while. Talk about nothing. Say goodnight. Walking into own room, sit on bed. Go on Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. Think about homework. School, what classes tomorrow. English homework due tomorrow, haven't started. Get up, get book, start writing. Tired. Yaaaawn. Close book, get into bed. Forgot to turn off the light. Get back out, turn light off. Too hot. Too cold. Blanket off, blanket on. Get out of bed. Turn fan on. Back into bed. close eyes. TEXT MESSAGE.  Damn. Respond. Say goodnight. Go on social media. Say good night to Facebook like it was a friend. Turn phone off. Homework. School. Dance, practise. Mum. Brother. Grand parents. Cousins. Best friends. Sleep. Can't sleep. Too many thoughts. Close eyes. Breathe. Slowly drift off. Wake up 3 hours later. Check phone. Only 2am. Fantastic. Sleep. Wake up at 7:30am. Breathe. Do it all over again.

I wish I had an answer to all those questions that run through my mind, and I wish there was a cure to not thinking so much, but if there is. I will volunteer myself to try it out. I stress, a lot. It isn't good for you, it is unhealthy. Too much stress.

I wish there was a cure for not caring too much, but then again I don't want to not care. I wish there was a cure to shut up idiocy, but doubt that will ever happen.

I wish I could just be me without people judging or critising. I wish people were treated as people, not anyone less.

I wish there was a way of getting out of bed in the morning with a smile, not a frown. I wish there was a way that every one was just happy, and got a long for just one day.

But where is the fun in that, huh?

The fact is, I won't know everything that comes and presents itself to me and I have to accept that and accept the things that I do know the answer to.

I am always going to have someone hating me or not like what I do, who I am, how I dress, that is just a way of life. I guess we have to live with that, but we should start to be happy with ourselves not the people who we think will be giving out compliments.

There are always going to be bad days, just- sometimes- most of the times, school just happens to fall on that exact day. But we have to take the bad with the good, because what would life be without some damn lemons!

Peace out.

S x